CHAPTER 1 Attitude

“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul of fire.” Marshall Foch Attitude is the most important ingredient to a successful and fulfilling life. I remember when I first heard the term “attitude adjustment”. My family was on a camping trip (we have always been big on recreation) and I had pulled a chair out from under one of my brothers. One of my Aunts started to tell me how I needed to learn how to share and so on. I began to defend myself with the typical “it wasn’t my fault”, “He started it”, excuses. And although I don’t remember much of the argument I do remember her telling me I needed an "attitude adjustment". Hmmmm . . . I wondered, what is an attitude adjustment? That was the first of many times I was told I needed an attitude adjustment. You see, I was very moody during my early childhood years and on into my teenage years. It’s a wonder that anyone was able to put up with me. Thank goodness we grow up (well, most of us)! So let's just explore the statement “attitude adjustment”. If you were to look up the word attitude in the dictionary you will find a definition much like this one: Manner, disposition, feeling, position, etc., with regard to a person or thing; tendency or orientation, esp. of the mind. Now let us define the word adjustment: Adaptation to a particular condition, position, or purpose. A modification of behavior and attitudes, so as, to achieve a balance between personal needs and interpersonal or societal demands. Because I am a simple person with a simple mind, I like to find analogies that will sort of put things into laymen terms. When I read over these definitions, what I came up with is this. Most of us have been in the driver’s seat of a car at one time or another in our lives, and if you haven’t, chances are you soon will be. So now compare the attitude adjustment to driving a car. If your vehicle is anything like mine, there are times when it runs like a dream, and times when it leaves a little bit to be desired. When my vehicle is running like a dream it is clean, it has enough fuel, it has the proper amount of oil, it has a battery that is fully charged and ready to go, in short it has a positive attitude! At those times when it is leaving a little bit to be desired, it is usually dirty, littered with empty fast food containers (maybe even a few cold, hard French fries), is low on fuel, the oil needs to be changed, and a myriad of other changes are in need. Basically it is in dire need of an attitude adjustment. So it is with our own lives. When I am feeling on top of the world, like nothing could possibly bring me down, this is what my life looks like. I am organized, I am eating nutritiously, I am able to set time aside to exercise. I am able to make time with each of my children and my husband, and I have time set aside to rejuvenate myself spiritually. I have a positive attitude! So what happens when life catches up? Here is what happens to me. I become disorganized and can’t seem to find time for anything. My eating and exercising habits have gone down the drain, and the last thing I have time for is the seemingly endless demands of my children and husband. Guess what? It’s time for an attitude adjustment! So how exactly does one go about making an attitude adjustment? I am not going to claim to have all the answers but I will tell you what has worked for me and thousands of other successful men and women. And that is to sit down and make a list of priorities. Write a list of the things that are most important to you. These are the things that if you were to pass from this life tomorrow, you would want to have accomplished. Then write down the things that you are doing now that have become a priority that could possibly be lowered a little bit farther down the page. I will give you an example of what my positive list might entail just to give you and idea. Keep in mind that this is a work in progress, not to be confused with something that is attempted and accomplished on a regular basis! Positive Attitude List of Priorities 1. Taking care of my personal needs Building my personal relationship with God Exercising Eating Nutritiously Staying organized Giving Service 2. Taking time for my HusbandBuilding a relationship with God together Keeping the communication lines open Spending time together alone as a couple Being receptive to his needs 3. Taking time for my family Teaching my children how to build a relationship with God Being there when my children come home from school Helping my children with homework Listening to the events of each child’s day Spending a few minutes with each of them on and individual basis 4. Building relationships with immediate family Attending family functions Calling my parents and in-laws regularly Remembering birthdays Being aware of the special events that are going on in their lives 5. Setting time aside for personal enjoyment Building lasting friendships (telephone, email, luncheons, etc.) Going on photography outings Scrap Booking Participating in sports or hobbies that I enjoy I feel that it is important to point out that each one of us are unique and one-of-a-kind (thank goodness). No two lists of priorities will or should be exactly the same. For example if you have a job or go to school you would definitely want to make that part of your list. We are at different stages at specific times in each of our individual lives. But, it is important to always have a current list of priorities to look upon. Think of it as life insurance. You would not wait five years to add your last child to an insurance policy. Hopefully, you continue to update your insurance as specific events take place. Likewise, you should keep your list of priorities updated as your life changes and evolves throughout the years. In reading over my list (which by no means is how my life runs on a daily basis), you can see that in general a positive attitude means maintaining balance in interpersonal, and societal relationships and activities. In order to achieve this delicate balance, we have to be able to adapt to a particular condition, position or purpose. We have to be able to make an attitude adjustment. The only person that has control over this is YOU! Unlike your vehicle, you drive your own life. A vehicle needs someone else to control it and take care of it’s needs. But you can, and should control your own life and take care of your own needs. Granted, as parents, part of our role is to teach our children how to take control of their lives and their needs and become independent. It is important to take some control of their environment and teach, teach, teach, them while they are young what it takes to control their own needs. My Husband Mike, and I, are constantly reminding our son, Chris, to “drive his own car”. Children have a somewhat limited understanding and it can be effective to use an analogy that they can relate to. Chris has wanted to control his own needs from the day he entered this world! When he was just two years old Mike and I would tuck him in at night and ask him if he wanted a kiss good night. He would reply, “NO” and so we would proceed to leave the room and by the time we got to the door he would be begging for a kiss good night. He wanted to control his own needs. After a while Mike and I grew tired of this little game. We found it important to let Chris know that we were taking care of our needs and that if he wanted a kiss good night he was going to have to take it when we offered or he would not get one at all. Need less to say, after many temper tantrums and kissless nights, he decided he did not like that idea very much and that this was one need he would take when he could get! As Chris has gotten older, we have had many opportunities to teach him how to “drive his own car”. Like his mother, he tends to be very moody and when he does not get things his way his temper can get the best of him. For example there was a time when he wanted to watch a certain television show. With four children, regulating the choice of television viewing can be quite a chore. It was not Chris’ turn to choose and I had to remind him of that fact. He then proceeded to drop on the floor and throw a typical temper tantrum. In the process he kicked a hole in the wall the size of his nine and half foot! We had just moved into a new home and I did not find this amusing! In order to teach Chris the importance of the effect that his attitude has on others, and that he must be accountable for his actions and realize the importance of being a good example for his younger brother and sisters, we taught him to repair his own mistakes. We made a trip to the local hardware store to pick up a wall repair kit. And then at the tender age of seven, he learned how to repair a hole in the wall. Mind you, it was not a professional job. In fact we still have the bump in the wall to remind us of this little experience. But, this was the beginning of the end to his temper tantrums and taught him a very important life lesson. I can not stress enough the importance of having a positive attitude in life. Life is a roller coaster of ups and downs, highs and lows, good times and not so good times. We have to learn how to adapt and make the necessary adjustments in order to maintain balance, harmony, and optimism. Someone once questioned me, “How does one have a positive attitude in such a negative world?” This is such a valid question in the world in which we now live. It is ever changing, values are shifting and becoming twisted. I believe that the answer to the question lies within. If you can learn to set priorities and then adapt with each experience that you have, holding to those priorities, you will be on the road to setting your own attitude adjustment.

PACE. YOUR ASSIGNMENT: Make a list of priorities and post them where you will be continually reminded of the Attitude Adjustment that you want to make. But... don't just read them, actively make them a part of your life. By completing this exercise on a regular basis (weekly bi-weekly or monthly)you can evaluate your progress and what other adjustments need to be made. By doing this you will be taking control of your life and moving closer to maintaining a positive attitude.