It's about time...

Ya it's been a little too long since I last updated! Lots has happened since then. Chris moved to Mexico indefinitely..... I'm sad but at the same time happy for him to be moving forward with his life. He is going to teach English while his girlfriend finishes up her schooling and then they plan to come back here to live. Not sure that will ever happen but that is the plan for now. I miss him already!



Mckayla did not get into the nursing program at BYU and is pretty devastated about it. She is wondering now about switching majors. I don't think she has decided yet if she wants to wait around to apply to the nursing program next fall... I know whatever she decides to do she will be great! She is running her first half marathon this weekend and we are all traipsing down to St George to watch her. Good luck sweetie!


Saydie is as busy as ever with SBO, dance, work, YW, homework, and life, lol! She is applying to lots of schools but is kind of leaning towards USU. Although she is thinking about trying out for Odyssey dance so if she makes it she would probably go to UVU instead since it is closer to the rehearsal hall (I am secretly hoping for the latter haha).


Cody has started swimming again and has already cut his time by quite a bit. He is pretty proud of his "six pack" and doesn't mind showing it off,lol. He should be getting his learners permit soon but so far it just hasn't been a priority which is ok with me because then I still feel needed, haha.



Mike and I.... well, we are getting old! And sometimes it feels that way and that's all I'm going to say about that, lol!

The Mother Huddle

Hey! Just wanted to let you know that I found an awesome blog that just barely started! If you want the skinny on crafts, recipes, fabulous finds, and lots of other fun stuff. Hop on over and take a look! Oh and don't forget to enter all of their give aways!!! Now that I am done with posting my book I just wanted to thank all of you who have stuck it out and finished it! Now I can finally say that it is published (well sort of hahaha)! I also wanted to let you know that my vizion blog has moved. It has a new look and lots of big pictures for viewing!!! Here's to a wonderful Wednesday!!!!

The last 2 chapters!!!

McKayla, during the evening gown competition.


McKayla as they announced her as the winner... I just love her look of pure shock and surprise!

CHAPTER SEVEN
WORK HARD
“The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary."

Being involved in the pageant industry for six years brought many new experiences into my life. Some were difficult to handle and others were simply beautiful to be of a part of. But if there is one thing that I have learned, whether it be winning a pageant, getting a job, losing weight, or raising children, if you put in the work you will definitely reap the benefits!

I saw work in action happen time again in the pageant industry. As my daughter set out to compete for the title of Miss Teen Utah International, she was not afraid to work hard. As soon as she came up with her goals of what she wanted to achieve and how she wanted to make difference she started working hard by getting more involved in her community. She wrote a children’s book about her platform, “Kindness Counts”, that she could take into elementary schools to help the children learn how to be more kind. She worked on her walk, her speaking skills, and her physical appearance and when it came time to compete she was able to win the title even though she was the youngest girl competing. As her mother, I seen her go from a shy, quiet, very reserved little girl, to a confident young woman not afraid to express her ideas and share herself with others.

My first year Directing, I had a contestant enter the competition that wanted to learn how to overcome her shyness, and fear of public speaking. Having never competed in a pageant before, she really didn’t know what to expect or how to prepare. Though we had workshops and appearances to help all of the contestants prepare, she really didn’t put a lot of effort into the competition. When the big night came and she walked out on stage, she
was scared to death. She even had to run off the stage at one point because she felt as if she
might pass out. She had a fair experience that year, but had she worked a little harder and put a little more effort into it she may have had an even more positive experience.

The following year, I was shocked when she decided to compete again. I figured that as painful as had been for her to be in front of people on stage, that she would probably never try it again. However, she had seen the growth in herself and knew that if she put more effort into it she could conquer her fear of being on stage and speaking in front of people.

I don’t think I have ever witnessed any one work as hard as she did that year. She literally blossomed into a more confident young lady. With the help of her mother, she was able to set up seminars and gain some experience in public speaking. She went to every appearance and workshop that we held and even scheduled extra time so that she felt strong and ready to compete. She worked on every area of the competition because she understood the importance of being well-rounded, and she practiced hard. She was committed to finding the perfect wardrobe. One that complimented her physically, and radiated her personal style. When it came time for the competition she felt more confident and ready for the event than she had for anything else in her life.

The competition started out with personal interview. She had practiced and prepared and she was ready. She looked amazing in the suit that she had chosen to compliment her personality. When the interview ended, she felt positive that she had done well. She even commented that she had fun! What a difference she had made in herself and her attitude by committing to put her full effort into this.

I wish that I could say that she went on to win the competition, however after the interview ended, tradgedy struck. She was contacted and told that her grandfather had suffered a heart attack and it didn’t look good. How could she continue the competition? It all seemed so trivial now. She decided that even after all her hard work and effort that she needed to withdraw from the competition. I fully supported her in that decision. That decision, in and of itself, proved to me that she had grown much throughout the past year.

A few hours later as rehearsals were being held, this strong, beautiful young lady returned to the competition. Her grandfather had passed away and after much deliberation, tears, and heartache, she and her family felt that it was the right thing to do. The competition took place and she was able to complete every area with ease and confidence. She was able to show commitment, dedication, and drive in a time when it seemed her world had come crashing down. It would have been so easy for her to give up. But because of what she had learned through her hard work she was able to overcome an obstacle in her life that was very difficult.

I found out a few weeks later that she had volunteered to speak at her High School graduation! I was so glad to hear that she was continuing to set goals for herself and that she had not let hardship defeat her.

An important concept I have learned through being involved with pageants, is that it
is imperative that we continue to set and achieve goals. When I competed in the State, as
well as, the National competition I seen contestants who would invest all of their time and effort in to the competition with the expectation of winning. When it was all over and the title was awarded to someone else, they would have such a hard time accepting it and moving on with their lives. I believe that it was because they hadn’t looked beyond the mark. What happens when you put everything you have into achieving a goal and through your hard work you are finally able to achieve it or possibly fall short? Is that the end? It absolutely is not.

We have to remain in a constant state of setting and achieving goals in order to progress in life. If we give up after one failure we never truly learn what it is to work hard and be successful. One of my favorite quotes is by Ralph Waldo Emerson, “That which we persist in doing becomes easier. Not that the nature of the thing has changed, but that our power to do has increased.” I have always been one to believe that everything happens for a reason. We may never know what the lesson is that we are supposed to learn from a given situation. Especially, when that situation is emotionally and physically difficult to endure. Life is full of lessons to be learned. Never ever give up! Keep pressing forward, working hard, and setting new goals and you will become stronger and more capable of maintaining a positive attitude in all areas of you life, regardless of the circumstances.


Your assignment: Read over your list of goals again and make sure that you are putting in the work to have to the outcome you desire. If not, make some short-term goals that will help you get back on track and get your head back in the game!







CHAPTER EIGHT
Be Who You Are
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Ralph Waldo Emerson



When my daughter, Mckayla, was in Chicago competing for the National title of Miss Teen International she met some really amazing young women. One of the girls that she became close friends with, taught her some really great lessons throughout the week of the competition. It was funny that these two were able to bond as they did because McKayla was the youngest competitor and her friend, Kim, was the oldest competitor. Having experienced more than McKayla, Kim became the source of much inspiration. McKayla learned first hand what it means to surround yourself with positive energy. But one statement in particular really stuck with McKayla and helped her to be more confident even though she was the youngest competitor and lacked the experience some of the other contestants had. Kim told her, “Always be the best version of yourself, not the second best version of someone else.”
I was so impressed that at the age of 19, Kim already had firm hold on who she was and she wasn’t going to compromise that for anyone or anything.

One of the greatest Challenges that the youth of America face today is the struggle to find out who they are and what their place is in this world. Not only do the youth struggle with this concept, adults do too, especially adult women. I have found through my own experiences of working with youth, that the most noticeable changes in self-acceptance for girls, happens between the ages of 13 -15. And unfortunately the opinion that we form about ourselves when we are that age sometimes continues on through adulthood.

So how do we as adults learn to accept and celebrate who we are and teach our children to do the same? That is the million dollar question. I have a couple of suggestions that seem to be working for my family. Most of these stem from personal experiences, and the journey towards self-acceptance that others have made. I am still learning and I am sure there are many things that could be added, but here are just a few to get you started.

First of all, learn to celebrate your uniqueness. Isn’t it just incredible that out of the billions of people on this Earth, there is not one single person who is exactly like you? Sure we can have a lot in common with others and there are certain people that we just seem to bond with easily from the start. But, there is not one person who has your eyes, your smile, your personality, your zest for life! It is unfortunate that most of us will never live up to the great potential within us. However, we can start striving toward that potential by understanding that you have just as much right to be great as the next person. It doesn’t matter what color your skin is, or how thick or thin you are. It doesn’t matter what circumstances you were born under, or the cards that you have been dealt in this life. You still have a choice, you still “drive your own car.” You can choose to change the way you view life! Is the glass half empty or half full? If you don’t like what is going on in your life right now, only you have the power to change it. If you look in the mirror and you don’t like what you see or the person that you have become, make the choice to change. Realize that along with change comes fear and taking risks is never easy, but only you have the power to change you! Celebrate that fact! Joy in knowing that no one else has your little turned up nose, or your ability to see the good in others. Be grateful that God made you. . .you!

Second, just because there isn’t another person just like you, doesn’t mean that you can’t learn from others. In fact, the only way that we can achieve our full potential, is to learn and grow from our experiences with all the people in our lives. Some of my very best friends are the ones that are very different from me. I have grown to love them despite our differences and they have helped me accept myself for who I am. If we can forgo the instant stereotyping and really try to give others a chance to make an impression in our lives, we will all be better and stronger for it. I believe that God places us in the path of others so that we, in some small way, can help them along their way and vice versa. We will never know what joys we could have had or what great qualities we could learn from, if we never give anyone a chance.

Next, be fiercely loyal to yourself, your family, and your friends. Dishonesty and deceitfulness are on a rampage in our world. Don’t buy into it! Nothing can do more
damage to a family, a business, a friendship or your character. Lying, back biting and
gossiping, and sharing confidences that were not meant to be shared will become a heavy burden in your life that will only serve to bring you and others down.

When my husband was in college he had room mates that liked to drink and get a little crazy. Although that is not my husband’s lifestyle, he would go with them so that he could be the designated driver and make sure that they all made it home safe and sound. He never once belittled them for how they lived their life and he was always there for them when they needed someone to talk to. We have bumped into some of them over the years and they always comment on how much they respected him for sticking to his values and standards but never making them feel inferior because they didn’t have that same value system.

Finally, when you are wrong about something don’t be afraid to own up to your mistake. When you are quick to admit your wrongdoing your mind and soul will be free from un-needed baggage and guilt. You will be able to move forward with a clear conscious and renewed motivation. People will think more of you, for your honesty and forthrightness and your unfailing dedication to your own personal values and standards.

As you continue on your path in your life, I hope that some of the experiences that I have shared with you have made you laugh or cry. . I hope that you have seen yourself in some of the stories that I related. But most of all, I trust that you have become motivated to set a new PACE for your future and that you have gained a greater understanding of how important it is to set that PACE in your life. Whenever you are feeling down, or circumstances just aren’t what you hoped they we be, remember Positive Attitude Changes Everything!


Your Assignment: Never stop setting the PACE!




EPILOGUE

Shortly before the completion of this book, I was hospitalized for a short period of time. My priorities had become hazy. I was not eating well, and I was spending many sleepless nights worrying needlessly over events that were beyond my control. I was operating on over load with nowhere to go but down. Our bodies and brains our complex entities and just like a computer if you overload it, it will crash. If you don’t learn how to slow down, your body will do it for you. Crisis such as this can be avoided.

I share this experience with you to help you understand how critically important it is to constantly re-evaluate your priorities and where you are at in your life. You may think you have it all under control but if you haven’t been diligent in keeping balance in your life, sooner or later it will catch up to you. At the same time, don’t let fear keep you from moving forward. Keep setting goals, dreaming big, and reaching for the stars!

I wish you all the best in your future endeavors and as always remember Positive Attitude changes everything!

CHAPTER SIX (only 2 more left!)

Saydie practicing one of her many faces! Some of her senior pictures are posted on the vizion blog

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE ENERGY
Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits.

One of my all time favorite movies is Forest Gump. If you have seen the movie, you will recall the statement that his mother taught him to help him overcome the teasing and bullying that he endured throughout his childhood. “Stupid is as stupid does.” She taught him very plainly that people will become what they repeatedly do. For a period of time, I had a quote hanging on my refrigerator that I wanted to instill in myself as well as my children, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.” I’d like to put those two concepts together and give you a mantra that is super easy to remember and will change your life if you choose to believe it. “Positive is as positive does.”

When I decided to compete in the Mrs. Utah International pageant, I needed positive thinking more than ever. I had been a stay-at-home mom for almost 12 years. After spending my days changing diapers, reading children’s books, and watching Sesame Street and Barney with my little ones, I was badly in need of something to get me out of my comfort zone.

My youngest child had recently started school, so I found myself with a few extra hours to myself. When I first heard about the competition I was still learning how to live with and manage depression. I knew that if I didn’t find something constructive to do during those hours, I could easily fall into some old negative habits, such as sleeping in instead of exercising, eating when I became bored. And the worst habit of all, negative self-talk.

So the pageant became a vehicle to motivate me to stay on top of my depression, while at the same time, work on some skills that needed to be dusted off a little. If you spend your days talking to toddlers and building bird nests out of play dough, you will understand what I am talking about. Not exactly the best interview techniques!

I am a great believer in mentoring and being mentored, so I sought out previous pageant winners and asked them to share their secrets with me. The positive energy and motivation that I came away with was incredible! Consequently, I had the tools I needed to achieve my goal. I just needed to learn how to put those tools into action.

My first task was to post positive quotes on little post-it notes all throughout my home. As I was working out I would read, “Think lean and strong!”. As I applied my make-up, “Believe in yourself” was instilled in my mind from it’s position on my mirror. When I fixed breakfast, cleaned the house, turned on the television or got into the car, there was one positive message after another. Though the changes weren’t immediate, I did find that slowly I was evolving and changing into a more confident woman! Not only were the changes happening on the inside, but on the outside as well. Of course some of the physical changes could be attributed to eating better and exercising. But for changes to become permanent, they must happen from the inside out.

The most remarkable change was what began to happen in my home with my children and husband. They were visibly happier, more confident, and a lot more willing to help out whenever asked. Instead of the usual “Do I have to?” or “I don’t want to!” statements, their answers became “Sure! No problem.”

As a family we were constantly surrounding ourselves with positive sources, people, places, things, and habits. Obviously, we all still have our moments, but for the most part our home life has become much richer and enjoyable.

Surrounding yourself with positive energy can be one of the most powerful steps you can take to gain a happier more fulfilling life. Again, there are times when we can not control the experiences that happen to us, but we can control the attitude with which we choose to face those experiences.

The following are a few ideas that can increase the positive energy in your life.

1. Cleanse your inner spirit.
If you have things in your life that are bringing you down or have left you with feelings of guilt or resentment, take care of it! Nothing can lift you higher than
offering an apology where one is warranted. Let by gones be by gones. Forgive those who have wronged you, even if they won’t accept your forgiveness. Holding on to grudges only brings you and others down. Start living in the present and let go of the past. I know it is easier said than done, but taking that risk will greatly improve your quality of life.

2. Simplify your life!
In the world that we now live it is so easy to fill your life with unnecessary clutter. I was talking to my little sister the other day and she made a comment that reminded me of how my parents had raised us. She said, “It just wasn’t a necessary expense.”
How many times do we spend “unnecessary expense” on trivial, unimportant things? It’s easy to do. But gaining the discipline to free yourself from “unnecessary expenses” whether it be material items, or time-wasting activities, will make your load lighter and your life much more enjoyable.

3. Consistently avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits.
If you can steer clear of negativity in all forms you will find a change taking place in your life that is very noticeable. You will become more positive, more confident and a lot more attractive (both physically and mentally) to those around you.

4. Laugh often!
Zig Ziglar once said “Laughter is the best medicine.” I can’t think of a better way to remove negativity than to laugh. Laugh at yourself when you do silly things. Laugh with your friends and family and become closer together. My daughter Saydie, was born with an innate ability to make people laugh. She would be practicing her many faces in the mirror behind us as her Dad and I were reprimanding her for something that she had done. We could never keep a straight face and by the end of our speech we would be laughing so hard we would have tears in our eyes. No matter what is happening, if Saydie senses sadness she will do whatever it takes to make you laugh. Laughter definitely creates positive energy!

“Positive is as positive does.” I challenge you to try it!

Your assignment: Get on the internet or go through books of quotes and positive affirmations. Pick out your favorite and make post-its that you can place in conspicuous places throughout your home, car, office, etc. Read them and re-read them until they are ingrained in your brain and have become a part of your life! You are welcome to use the ones that I have used in this book if you like (they are some of my favorite).

CHAPTER FIVE STRENGTH THROUGH ADVERSITY

You never really lose until you quit trying
Anonymous


I would like to tell you about an experience I had that tested my ability to maintain a positive attitude. Mike and I had just given birth to our fourth child, Cody. Because my three previous children had been born with the help of a physician through a process call induction, I had prayed long and hard that I would be able to give birth to my last child on my own. I also dreamed, as every woman does, that I would have this child a little early. I am sure you have heard the statement, “Be careful what you pray for because you just might get it”, well, I was about to find new meaning to that statement.

Two weeks before my due date I awoke to a lower back ache. Having been through the process of child birth three times I knew right away that something was different and so I called my doctor’s office. My Doctor had gone on vacation but his nurse encouraged me to come in and be checked. Upon arrival at the office, the nurse checked me and determined that indeed I was going to deliver a child sometime soon. After a long day of walking the malls and the halls in the hospital, I was finally admitted into the hospital that was filled to capacity with women waiting to deliver (12 to be exact!). Cody was born at about 5:30 p.m. that evening, things went relatively smooth with the birthing process considering I had a Doctor that I had just met. But, within minutes the nurse noticed that Cody was not breathing properly. He was quickly whisked away to the nursery where they began a series of x-rays and tests.
There were twelve babies born that night and only two nurses were on duty. The hospital was sorely understaffed, especially with an infant that required minute-to-minute monitoring. Consequently, my Doctor chose to have Cody transported to Primary Children’s Medical Center where he would be able to get the intensive care that he needed. X-rays had revealed that Cody’s lungs were clouded and they seemed to be getting worse instead of better. Before transporting, a breathing tube was inserted and Cody was put on a ventilator. I was so relieved to see him breathing normally and finally sleeping, even if it was with the help of this machine.

Mike checked me out of the hospital early the next morning and we drove straight to Primary Children’s Hospital. The doctors and nurses had held a conference and decided to treat Cody’s condition as a virus and had already started him on antibiotics. They also determined that because he was a little early, his lungs were not quite developed enough to fight off the infection so they began giving him a drug called Cerfactin to help his lungs develop more quickly. He was showing improvement and the staff encouraged us to go home and get some sleep. I figured that would be a good idea since we had three other children who were still young and needed our attention.

That evening I received a distressing phone call from the hospital. They informed me that Cody had taken a turn of the worse and that things did not look good. They felt that we should know that they had tried nearly everything and were not receiving a response. They encouraged us to come to the hospital in case the unthinkable were to occur. I did not feel strong enough to endure the possibility of Cody not living and so Mike went with a very dear friend who also happened to be our bishop.

While at the hospital they were able to administer a special healing blessing upon Cody. They called upon God to heal Cody if it be his will. After standing helplessly by for a little while they decided to return home and hope and pray for the best. As Mike and I cried together that night we felt sure that Cody would not make it through the night. We talked of our great love for this child who was not yet forty eight hours old. We both felt it a great privilege to have him as a part of our little family, if only in spirit, for the past nine months. At about two a.m. that morning, we had heard nothing so we decided to call and see how he was doing. The nurse explained that, as a last resort, they had removed the breathing tube and to their dismay found that the cerfactin (the medicine they were administering to help his lungs develop) was clogging the bottom of the tube. The nurse said that they rarely ever changed the ventilator tube from an infant because it was so hard to re-insert, but they were out of options. There is no doubt in my mind that angels were watching over Cody that night and the Doctors as well.

Over the next twelve days it was a roller coaster ride. One day Cody would be improving and next he would slip back. It was very discouraging but I was determined to maintain a positive attitude. I visited him as much as I could but it was very difficult to see him in that environment. The doctors had decided to put him on a temporary paralysis drug because he was bigger than most of the
infants there and he would continuously pull the monitors off as he moved around. It was very difficult to see him lying motionless in the incubator. Mike and I were unable to hold him for seven days, it seemed like an eternity. I will never forget the first time I was able to hold him, still attached to all the monitors and wrapped in a sheepskin blanket that made it hard to feel him in my arms, but I was in Heaven!

The next few days became a sort of game as we would try to get him to eat enough and improve enough so that we would be able to take him home. I felt very fortunate to be able to take him home after just two short weeks, when some of the preemies that were his roommates had been there for months. It was heartbreaking to see the parents come and go each day looking for any sign that their nightmare would end soon. I know it was hard for them to maintain a positive attitude day in and day out as they would receive the same bleak reports.

I was amazed to hear their stories and listen to their determination as they would relive their experiences. “How do you get through it”, I remember asking one couple that had spent the better part of three months living at the hospital, a day’s drive from their home. “You get through it one day at a time . . . and you hope and pray for the best!” was their reply.

Positive attitude changes everything! No, we can not change the outcome of a situation. But we can certainly change the attitude with which we choose to face it . . . one day at a time.

Not one of us is exempt from adversity. Every single person, at one time or another in their life, will face an illness, the death of a loved one, or a divorce, etc. Granted, some people seem to have many more hardships placed upon them than others, but from my experience these people are the most tender, caring, and sensitive individuals I know. They can relate with others on a level that many of us can not. They help many to overcome and rise above the adversity that is placed upon them. God gives us these trials to make us stronger and to help us learn more about ourselves and others in the process. We can choose to rise above adversity and be better for it, or we can let it control us and ultimately break us down. Most importantly whatever it is that you have been through or are experiencing this very moment......never, never, give up!

Your challenge this week:
Write down your experiences of trial or adversity that you have had or are having in your life. Record your feelings and be blantantly honest. If this is a past experience, reflect on the things that you learned from the experience and how you re-acted at the time, and what your feelings are now. If it is something you are experiencing at this moment, record what you feeling and what you hope the outcome will be. Resolve to look at all of your trials as learning experiences. I have started to do that, while it is not easy to say to your self while you are in the midst of a trial, "What am I supposed to learn from this?", (or can I learn)it definitely helps you look at things with a new perspective.

By the way, for those of you that don't know Cody is now a thriving almost 16 year old with loads of energy and love to share. We are so grateful to have him in our lives.

CHAPTER FOUR

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF (picture coming soon)
“ Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen.
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe


Take control of your destiny! Believe in yourself! Those are two of the most powerful statements I think I have ever read. I am going to tell you something now that I think you will find most profound. You know yourself better than anyone else! You are the only one that has spent every waking second of your life with . . . YOU! Who could possibly know you better, with the exception of God? Why then do we tend to doubt ourselves so much?

I believe the reason we do so much self-doubting has to do with many factors. It could be the way that your parents raised you. Maybe you came from a very emotionally or physically abusive home. It is possible that you suffered many tragic losses throughout your life. Maybe you have had to endure a physical debilitation or disease, or mental illness. Regardless of the circumstance, we are all capable of change. We all have the ability within us to take control of our lives. It is true that sometimes we cannot control the circumstances that happen to us, however we definitely can control the attitude with which we choose to face these experiences. I know that there will be many that will want to argue this point, but the fact is we “drive our own cars”!

Sometimes I think it might benefit us if we could take a step back from our life and view it from a different perspective. We are so good at looking at another person’s life and providing a solution to all of there problems. If we could use this same objectiveness in our own lives, we could solve a lot of crisis before they arise.

Have you ever felt restless? Like you were supposed to be doing something else with your life, or something is missing? I like to think of this restless feeling as God’s way of helping us to realize that we still have room to grow (and I don’t mean in height or weight!). Another way to view this feeling is to look at it as “growing pains”. Remember when you were a child and you would get stomach aches the first week of a new school year? Or maybe you just started a new job and you had those anxious butterflies in the pit of your stomach . . . Yes, I would have to say those are “growing pains”.


A few years ago I was able to attend a convention, the keynote speaker happened to be Sharlene Wells Hawkes, Miss America 1985. She discussed a technique that I feel is imperative to making your life what you want it to be. It is relatively simple and really does not take a lot of effort . . . once you get used to it!

I am sure that many of you have heard of the “comfort zone”. This is a place that we make for ourselves that is easy to be. We rarely take steps out of this safe place because it is hard or maybe a little scary. We stay in the same routine day after day and never do anything that feels uncomfortable, thus we have created our “comfort zone”. But there is a very interesting fact about our comfort zones and that is that they never stay the same. It is either growing or shrinking!

Sharlene goes on to discuss that the only way we can make our comfort zone grow instead of shrink is to consistently take steps outside of it. This means doing things that are hard or maybe even a little scary. But each time you do this your comfort zone will grow. Rest assured I am not telling you that you need to do anything that is risky or dangerous. I am talking about setting small goals for yourself on a daily or weekly basis that you may find a little difficult. These might include: Getting up a little earlier each day so you can get more accomplished or parking your car a little further out than normal so you can get a little more exercise. Maybe you could try choosing carrots instead of cookies if you are trying to lose weight. Each time that you take a small step outside of your comfort zone an amazing thing happens . . . It grows! And it also gets a little easier to take that next step. Unfortunately, the opposite is true when we choose to remain inside our safe little place and don’t take small chances on a regular basis. It is not easy. And very often, in fact more often than not, our chances will be accompanied by failure. But as Sharlene would say, “Failure doesn’t keep you from success, it leads you to it. . . if you are willing to learn.” Some of the most successful people I know did not realize their dreams by mere happenstance. It takes effort, it takes desire, and it takes a willingness to learn from our failures. When we choose to let our failures defeat us and we shrink back into our comfortable place it becomes harder and harder to venture out again and our comfort zone gets smaller and smaller.

The fact is, that we have all been given special gifts that are ours to develop if we choose. We can use these gifts, not only to improve the quality or our own lives, but also to help others around us. However, we can only do this if we learn to develop these gifts by taking consistent steps outside or our comfort zone and believing in ourselves. I once heard someone say that in order to be a winner you have to ACT like a winner. I honestly believe this to be true. Our actions speak louder than our words, we can voice what we intend to do but until you take action there is no meaning behind the words. When we are doers our emotions will follow suit. It is hard and scary to attempt something new that is uncomfortable and no doubt our emotions and thoughts tell us that we won’t succeed, that we shouldn’t attempt the unknown. But, it is only in attempting or taking action that we find out what our abilities are and how good we can feel when we achieve a dream.

If you are anything like me, and I believe you are, you are probably saying to yourself right now, “How do I find out what my gifts are?” Or maybe you are thinking, “I don’t have any gifts.” Finding out what your gifts are is much simpler than you may think. Start by making a list of things that you are good at. Maybe you enjoy reading or listening to music. Who knows, you might just have a gift for writing poetry or music.

Second, start listening to, and accepting compliments. This is a great way to discover hidden talents. For example, people consistently comment on how great your hair always looks or what a snappy dresser you are. You might have a real talent in the cosmetology industry or maybe your gift lies in retail sales. Has anyone ever told you what a great listener you are, or that you are very caring and sensitive? This could lead one to believe that you may be great in a field of social work or another related field. My point is, that sometimes we spend so much time complaining about the gifts that we don’t have that we lose sight of those gifts that are uniquely ours. There is not another person in this world like you , so why not celebrate that fact by being all that God intended you to be and by doing that, we not only help ourselves but, we help others along the way.

Finally, don’t be afraid to dream big. We are the culmination of our dreams put into action. If we stop dreaming we stop living. Don’t let anyone tell you can’t. If you can dream it you can achieve it!

I remember when I was a little girl and my mother gave me a necklace. On the chain was a heart-shaped locket made of glass that had a mustard seed inside. It was accompanied by a little metal plate with this inscription on it: . . .if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, “Move from here to there”, and it will move.
--Matthew 17:20

At 5’3” the shortest player in NBA history, Tyrone “Mugsy” Bogues, believed in himself against all odds. He said, “You can do anything you want to do in life, if you have a fierce belief in yourself, a strong will, a big heart, and some role models to inspire you.” Don’t ever give up on yourself. If you have faith, belief in yourself, the patience to persevere, and most importantly, a positive attitude, you can make your dreams a reality.



Climb ‘Til Your Dreams Come True
By Helen Steiner Rice

Often your tasks will be many,
And more than you think you can do . . .
Often the road will be rugged
And the hills insurmountable, too . . .

But always remember, the hills ahead
Are never as steep as they seem,
And with faith in your heart start upward
And climb ‘til you reach your dream,

For nothing in life that is worthy
Is ever too hard to achieve
If you have faith to try it
And you have the faith to believe . . .

For faith is a force that is greater
Than knowledge or power or skill
And many defeats turn to triumph
If you trust in God’s wisdom and will . . .

For faith is a mover of mountains,
There’s nothing that God cannot do,
So start out today with faith in your heart
And climb ‘til your dreams come true!”








Assignment:
Make a list of the things that you feel that you are good at, or that you have a desire to become good at. Then write down some small goals or steps that you can take outside of your comfort zone to achieve those goals. Record your steps. Start with the small things and soon you will be leaping out of your comfort zone and growing consistently. Remember, you are doing this for you! Don’t let anyone keep you from your dreams or tell you that you aren’t good enough. Believe that you can be all that God wants you to be and you will become better and stronger than you ever believed possible! Go now, and start expanding your comfort zone!

CHAPTER 3

Not a great picture but the only one I could find of the chicken costume!


FIGHTING THE FEAR WITHIN
“Fear is just excitement in need of an attitude adjustment!”
Russ Quaglia


To say that I was afraid of what might lie ahead was a great understatement.
I came from a long line of family members who suffer from depression. Some have been on medications with complications and some have been content to struggle with the disease on their own. And then there are some that remain in denial and are afraid to admit that something might not be right. I found it necessary to find some sort of middle ground.

At this point, I feel it is very important to address an issue that has a way of clouding ones judgement. More specifically, one who is not thinking rationally as is. This issue is that, of how people who have never suffered from depression, or have not been closely involved with a loved one who has, view depression in general. Just the other day I happened to mention to a colleague that I was writing a book about my experiences with depression. The comment that I received was one that I have heard on many occasions. I would be willing to bet that most sufferers have as well. “What do you have to be depressed about?”

Believe me, I have asked myself that same question almost every day. This
is one of the reasons most people find it difficult to seek the help of a professional. What I know now, is that depression is not a respecter of persons. It can and does affect both males and females, rich and poor, young and old. Depression is not a reflection of ones life, it is an inward disease without an outward appearance. Although symptoms are not physically seen, does not in any way mean that they do not exist!

I was very fortunate to have a therapist who, from the beginning, explained this disease thoroughly and helped me to realize that this was not a reflection on me as a person. She gave me many options and explained each option in great detail. My husband also committed to remain with me through the long journey to recovery, however long that may be. Mike helped me to document my highs and lows, and helped to point out the techniques that seemed to be showing some improvements in my attitude.

If you are not so fortunate as to have a support system at home, there are many support groups and therapists in every community that can help you. Never give up hope, there is always a solution.

As I spoke of in chapter two, I have always been a highly motivated person. I attribute much of this to the work ethic that my parents taught me. They taught me to take pride in myself and my accomplishments, and to always strive for something better. I believe that having positive role models in our lives is imperative to our success.

I remember on one occasion, I wanted to ride my bike down to the local convenience store with a group of friends. It was a sunny Saturday morning and this was a day when my siblings and I were required to help out with various chores around the yard. I must have been about ten or eleven years old. On that particular Saturday, it was my job to weed one of our many flowerbeds. It happened to be the one that was full of prickly bushes that would fill out the bed about three feet in width and grew low to the ground. The trick was to pull all the weeds that would grow up between the bushes. This was a job that was detested by me and all of my siblings, and I assumed my parents as well. Otherwise, why would they always make sure that one of my brothers or I had this job?!

Other than the scratches and cuts up and down my gloveless arms, what I remember the most was having to go back and finish my job because I had not done it to the best of my ability. This experience taught me a great lesson in taking pride in what I do and learning the importance of doing a job right the first time so I didn’t have to go back and do it over! I have to admit our trip to the convenience store was one that I felt I deserved beyond any shadow of a doubt. That candy never tasted so sweet!

As I began my road to recovery, these early lessons began to come back into my
mind. I was able to realize that without risks there can be no achievement. Starting on the medication was a huge risk for me, but one that I was willing to take in order to achieve a more fulfilling life. A better life!

As the medication began to take affect, I was able to start thinking more clearly
and rationally. I began to enjoy the simple moments in my life as a young mother. Bathing and feeding my young family became rituals that I relished. Even their mischievous moments became more enjoyable. For example, the time I was overcome with panic, unable to find my four year old daughter McKayla. I had searched the house three times yelling out her name. I had sent five and half year old Chris, to scour the neighborhood homes. I had looked under the beds, just in case she had fallen asleep in one of her favorite hiding places, all to no avail.

I called Mike at work in a panic. He reassured me that she would turn up and urged me to continue searching. We both knew how much she liked playing “hide and go seek”. I hung up the phone, said a fervent prayer, and continued my hunt. As I was searching our toy room for the third time, I heard a muffled sneeze. I opened the closet door to reveal a “chicken-costume-clad” McKayla crouching ever so quietly in the corner. I scooped her into my arms and sobbed as relief swept over me. “Why wouldn’t you answer me when I called, sweetheart?” I questioned. With her innocent blue eyes, she looked up at me and said, “I thought you would get angry because I am wearing my costume, I’m sorry mommy.” She had a dance recital coming up and I had asked her not to play in her chicken costume.

As I documented this experience later on, I was able to see the improvement in my ability to stay “pulled together” at a time when previously, I would have been unable to cope. At the same time, it helped me to see how much I had missed feeling emotion. It felt so good to “feel” again.

But even though I had experiences like that one from time to time, for the most part my emotions remained on an even keel ninety percent of the time. I knew, that because of this glimpse of how good it felt to “feel”, I wanted more. I wanted something even better! I wanted to enjoy every positive moment. I wanted to feel sad when conditions called for sadness. Happy when things went well. And I started feeling as if the medication kept me from feeling some of these emotions. At times, I felt simply numb to emotion.

That is when I began to seek for something better. I have always been an avid reader. I loved to go to our local library. To this day, I have a stack of books beside my bed waiting to be read. I consider myself a “bookworm” because I rarely finish a book. I simply “worm” my way through looking for things that apply to me and my situation. I am a big fan of self-help and motivational books.

So it was at this time that I made a trip to the library and returned with about eight books on depression, more specifically on alternative forms of healing. As I read and reread I was able to see a common thread amongst most theories. Nutrition and physical exercise play a big part in maintaining our hormonal balance. But what I remember most was reading about serotonin, the brains own natural anti-depressant and tranquilizer. And I was intrigued that physical exercise played such a key role in the release of mood-enhancing substances known as endorphins. When endorphin levels become elevated so does ones mood and vice versa.

“This is it,” I thought “this is the key!” I decided then and there that I was going to be in control of my own destiny. I had read enough and documented enough of my current patterns, to know that to go off of the medication “cold turkey” was not only dangerous, but could also set me up for an all-time low! Something I definitely did not want to have happen. I had worked so hard to come as far as I had. Instead I formulated a plan and set some goals, working with my physician. Together we devised a plan to wean me slowly off the medication. I had been working hard to exercise on a daily basis for about two years which explains the glimpses of emotion I had experienced.

Another major key in fighting depression is our diet. So I set out to find a nutrition plan that I could live with. Sifting through the wealth of information on nutrition is a job in and of itself! But as you are searching for something that will work for you here are some hints that I have found helpful. Be careful to avoid those that promise a "quick fix". Avoid the diets that eliminate whole food groups. Make sure that whatever you choose, it is something that you can continue for the long term. If you have a hard time sticking with something for 2 weeks, you will never be able to stay with it for life. And above all, try to do find a plan that works with your family as well. There is nothing harder than trying to fix yourself something different than your family. And it is just as important that they learn healthy habits too! I have found that moderation seems to work the best. Instead of eliminating your favorite foods just try to learn how to enjoy them in moderation.

Now, this is really important! Though I personally have learned how to function normally without the help of medication, and what works for me, does not mean that it will work for everyone. And it won’t always work for me, for that matter. I want to reiterate the importance of working with your personal physician and or therapist to find what works for you. There are so many options available today! Throughout the years there have been times when I have let my priorities get out of line and I have not paid attention to what my body was trying to tell me and have had to return to medication. It's not the end of the world! It is an option that is available to us and personally, I am so grateful for that!

Whether you decide to try medication or not, definitely consider taking on an exercise program. This is where the list of priorities from chapter one begins to play in. I hear so many people say that they cannot find the time to exercise. I agree that with a family, a husband, a job and all of our household duties, it is difficult. But if you make it a priority, even if it means getting up an hour earlier than everyone else, or giving up on your afternoon nap when your children are sleeping, you do it for one reason; Until you start taking care of yourself you really can not effectively care for anyone else. Once you realize this you will be on your way to making some very positive changes!




Your assignment: Look back on your list of priorities that you made in chapter one and make sure that you are still working on them. If not, recommit to making this a priority! In your journal or on your calendar start to document your highs and lows and record your emotions. This will, not only help you to see and understand more about yourself and your emotions, but will also help your physician in making a correct diagnosis, should you choose to see one. Also, I highly recommend starting an exercise program. I truly believe that this is probably the key change that I made and have continued to do throughout my life that has kept me from slipping back into those major bouts of depression. Plus it keeps you young and looking great and that alone helps improve our spirits!

CHAPTER 2

WILLING TO CHANGE

“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up each time we fail.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson


I want you to stop and think for a minute about all of the people you know that you would define as successful. I believe that you will find, as I did, that one of the common denominators that each of these individuals have, has to do with the pace they choose to set for their lives. It has been shown in many studies that people who lead a busy life are more efficient and more effective people in general. Why is this? Most people would tend to believe that the opposite is true. But the main reason lies in the fact that busy people don’t sit around waiting for life to happen to them, they go out and make life happen for them!

When I graduated from high school I earned a cheerleading scholarship to attend College as well as a partial academic scholarship. It was my first experience away from home. Granted, it was only an hour drive so I could go home if the need arose. However, I was determined to survive on my own merits and so I tried to go home only on special occasions and when I had free time. Free time was a rare commodity because I also chose to work as much as I could, to ease the financial burden on my parents. So between school, cheerleading practices, games, dating, and work, there was little time for homework let alone homesickness. But on one particular day I was feeling relatively “blue”. Had I known what I know now, I would have been able to see this as a clear symptom of depression.

It was a gray, and rainy morning and it just so happened that my first class was very early (due to work and practice commitments). To tell you the honest truth, the only reason I kept attending this class was that fact that I was really hoping for a date with a cute guy in the class! I walked into class that morning ready to sleep through most of it, as usual, but to my surprise found written vertically on the board in huge capital letters the word PACE

My professor proceeded to ask the class if they knew what this word meant. Most of us yelled out various definitions such as, setting the progression of an event, rate of movement, distance covered by a runner, and so on. Not one of us could give him the answer that he wanted to hear. And so he began to break it down. Positive Attitude Changes Everything! You control the PACE at which you will build your life, one experience at a time. You, and you alone control your attitude.

Yes, you will experience ups and down in this life. Yes, you will have heartache and happiness in this life. And yes, you will always be in control of the attitude with which you choose to face these experiences. You have the power to learn and grow and become better because of these experiences. You also have the power to use these experiences as a crutch or a thorn in your side. To say, “If it wasn’t for this. . . I could have been this. . .” or “If this hadn’t happened. . . I would have been a better wife, mother, father, husband, daughter, etc.” It’s time to throw out the “should haves”, “would haves”, and “if only’s”!

“Wow!” I thought. The rest of the class was a blur because I knew that with that one important lesson he was talking directly to me! I began to regret the many times that I had slept through the class thinking I “should have” taken a different class, and realized for the first time in my life that I literally had the power to control my own destiny! Mind you, this was a small glimmer of hope, for there were many events that would take place in my life that would teach me the importance of putting that thought into action in my life.

I have to give credit to my dear parents, because they are two of the best role models anyone could hope for. My parents did everything they could to help me to learn that it was up to me what I would make of my life. They helped me to build a strong foundation of religious belief, a love of God and family, and strong moral values. For this I will be eternally grateful. There have been many times when I have turned to this foundation of strength endurance.

But there comes a time in every person’s life when they have to find these truths out for themselves. Some will call this awakening, discovering your identity. I like to call it “setting the PACE”. When everything that you have experienced in your life up to this point comes together like the pieces of a puzzle that suddenly connect. When you finally realize, “Hey! I can make a difference in this life. I have just as much right to be whomever I want to be as any other person, regardless of what I have had to endure or what I will have to endure in the future!”

But this requires more than a thought, it requires action. Now don’t suppose that after that my life became perfect, full of sunshine and happiness. In fact, this was a small awakening that I would look back on to draw strength from, in my deepest, darkest moments.

Shortly after this realization, I decided it was time to set my life on a course that I had always dreamed of. More than any thing I wanted to be a wife and a mother. It just so happened that my future husband, Mike, had been chasing me relentlessly. You know the statement, “Sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees?” Well, in this case that statement rang true. Mike moved into my neighborhood when I was just eight years old and he was eleven. I will never forget my Father looking me directly in the eyes one night over dinner and saying, “Now Wendy, that’s the type of family you want to marry into!” My response was that of a typical eight year old, “Daaaaaad!” To this day I still have not figured out how he knew before I did that Mike was the one for me.

Our courtship was not easy. To say it was bearable would be a great understatement! Mike would probably tell you that he would prefer to be hit by lightning than to go through our courtship again! Over a period of about a year and half, I single handedly succeeded in getting him to fall hopelessly in love with me. How I managed to do this I will never know. I think I did everything I could to torture him and drive him away. We lived just three houses apart from each other on a dead end subdivision. I lived at the top of the street and he lived near the outlet. This put him in the perfect spot to see me drive up and down the street with various dates. Over that year and a half, we dated and then broke it off half a dozen times, and it was during those times that I proceeded to torture him. I truly did not intend to do this. I felt that we had made it clear to each other that neither of us would have a problem with seeing the other person dating someone else.

So you can imagine my surprise when he proceeded to feed me a little of my own medicine. Over a period of three weeks he made sure that I saw him having a great time with three different and very beautiful girls. Little did I know that he had no particular interest in any of them. One was “just a friend”, one was his
friend’s date, and only one was actually a girl that he had any interest in. This
didn’t matter to me, because what you see and what you feel can be two very different things and I felt jealous! Not just a little bit, I was extremely jealous!

To make matters worse, not only was I jealous, my mother was jealous for me! I knew it was time to make my move I had to reclaim my man! Now this may seem egotistical and I assure you that I really had no intention of raining on anyone’s parade, but I had finally realized what I was giving up and I wasn’t going down without a fight! Fortunately, it never came to out and out combat. The other woman succumbed quietly. Whatever I had done to get Mike to fall in love with me must have been the right thing because he unloaded her like a bad habit!

Lucky for me, Mike is a patient and very tolerable man. He has been the “wind beneath my wings” so many times I have lost count. To say he brings out the best in me would be a great disservice to him. He has treated me as if I were what I ought to be thus, I have become what I am capable of being. I hope that I do the same for him.

Having related this experience, let’s get back to setting the PACE. You see, I had to tell you a little bit about my husband in order for you to understand what he had to endure for most of the first eight years of our marriage. We brought our first child into this world just ten short months after we were married. Then seventeen months later, we had our first daughter. It was at this point that I realized how hard being a mother really is and I remember looking into Mike’s eyes and saying, “If you want more children, it’s now or never because I am not going through this stage again once I am out of it.” If you have ever had two children in diapers and on a bottle at the same time you will be able to relate. I was so not independent and I knew if I became independent again I would never want to go back to that lack of independence. Unfortunately, I was setting myself up for a long and hard battle with depression.

First of all, if you have ever had a child or you have witnessed someone who had a child, you know how hard it is to return to pre-pregnancy shape; both emotionally and physically. Following the birth of our second child, I became pregnant again within twenty two months. After eight short weeks of constant questioning of myself, “What was I thinking?”, I miscarried this pregnancy. Instead of seeing this as a sign that maybe I wasn’t ready for another child at this point, I blamed myself for the miscarriage because of my constant questioning. Consequently, I became pregnant again and delivered a beautiful baby girl twenty seven months after our first daughter.

I think at this point I had a “kill me now and get it over with” attitude. Boy, was I ever in need of an attitude adjustment. And yes, boy number two came along twenty two months later. So if you are doing the math, I had four children under the age five! What a nightmare! Not the children themselves, but my
inability to deal with the task at hand and my ever changing hormones. Now, you can see why I call Mike a patient man!

Over the space of about four years I would go in and out of deep bouts with depression. I had a hard time coping with the mundane tasks of the day such as
laundry, cooking, and cleaning up after the kids. Everything seemed overwhelming and instead of tackling one task at a time I gave up. Essentially this created a vicious circle. Not following through, giving up, and then berating myself for being such a terrible mother and person. It would get to the point where all I wanted to do was go to bed and wake up when it was all over.

Depression comes in different forms for everyone. So it is important that you understand that my experience with depression may not be what you have experienced but that does not make yours less real. Also it is imperative to understand that Depression is a condition that there is no cure for. If you have been diagnosed with depression then you have to learn how to manage it so that the symptoms will be at a level that you can function with. There are many great medications available today that work very well and I highly recommend working with your personal physician to find out what works best for you. For me, when a bout of depression is coming on I can actually feel a dark cloud settle upon me. It is so real to me that I feel like I could reach out and try to push it away. That’s when I know that something is out of balance and I need to re-evaluate what I have been doing. For you it might be much different. The point is that it is important to get to know your body and your emotions well enough that you can manage it when it arises.

During that four year period when I really did not know what was going on with my health, and the above situation would start to improve I would think, “Hey, things are looking up!” So what else would any normal person do at that point? You guessed it, I would take on another project. “I am woman, hear me roar”, right? Slowly and steadily, I was leading myself down a path where sometimes there is no return. I was setting a PACE that had nothing to do with positive attitude and everything to do with lack of control. Because I felt that my abilities as a mother and a woman were out of control, I was looking for anything that I could control. As I sunk deeper into depression I struggled more to look like I was on top of it all on the outside. I wanted anyone and everyone to know that I was in control, when I knew full well I was anything but in control.

If you have ever suffered from depression or know someone who has, you may be able to relate to this scenario. At home, behind closed doors I was falling apart and yet when I was around people I was very good at concealing what was really happening inside. I would put on what I like to call the “happy face”. Of course this is not always the case, a lot of how we act and react has to do with the stages of depression we are in and how many times we have hit the lows. I happened to be very fortunate to have someone who loves me finally pick me up off the floor and tell me, “This is not real life. You don’t have to live like this!” Mike helped me to realize that it was time to ask for help. This disease was bigger than me and it was dangerously out of control!

Over the next few years I began my long road to recovery. It was never easy. My first step was to visit a therapist and talk about my options. This woman
helped me to see that choosing to be on medication was not surrendering to the disease, but the beginning of the fight. She helped me to realize what my pattern had been for each bout of depression that I had experienced and what I could likely expect over the coming months. She pointed out to me the pros and cons of being on medication. This was something that I could not have done for myself because I was not thinking rationally at that point.

I feel that she helped me to understand that I needed an attitude adjustment, I needed to be willing to change my lifestyle and I needed to be able to think clearly so that I could set a new PACE. As painful as change can be there is always growth and opportunity waiting to occur. For me, this meant starting on the road to recovery with what any person should do who has a disease, and that is to take the proper steps to help your body heal. Even with all the controversy at that time over anti-depressants, I couldn’t justify not taking this chance. It was a badly needed light at the end of the tunnel, it gave me hope!



Your Assignment: Find a notebook or buy a cute fancy journal (whatever helps you want to write), and write down your feelings and experiences. You may think that this is a waste of time but, I can’t tell you how many times I have looked back on what I wrote during those down times. Whenever I read the words that I penned myself, it helps me to know that things did get better, even when I could see no way out. Generally, I am not one who would push people to see a therapist. But in the case of depression or the meriad of other emotionally dysfunctioning diseases, I highly recommend talking to someone about what you are experiencing. Even if it is just to sit down and have a real “heart to heart” with your husband, mother, sister, best friend. Talking things out and getting them out in the open will not only let someone else in on what you are feeling, but it also helps you to sort things out in your mind. Talking it out and admitting that you might need some outside help, that what you are doing is not working, is the first step on your road to recovery. And believe me, what lies beyond that first step is worth the risk of putting it all out there. Hiding behind the “happy face” is no way to really LIVE life!

Eat less...Move more!

I just had to post this.... it's just too easy isn't it!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKs0oEIVOck

CHAPTER 1 Attitude

“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul of fire.” Marshall Foch Attitude is the most important ingredient to a successful and fulfilling life. I remember when I first heard the term “attitude adjustment”. My family was on a camping trip (we have always been big on recreation) and I had pulled a chair out from under one of my brothers. One of my Aunts started to tell me how I needed to learn how to share and so on. I began to defend myself with the typical “it wasn’t my fault”, “He started it”, excuses. And although I don’t remember much of the argument I do remember her telling me I needed an "attitude adjustment". Hmmmm . . . I wondered, what is an attitude adjustment? That was the first of many times I was told I needed an attitude adjustment. You see, I was very moody during my early childhood years and on into my teenage years. It’s a wonder that anyone was able to put up with me. Thank goodness we grow up (well, most of us)! So let's just explore the statement “attitude adjustment”. If you were to look up the word attitude in the dictionary you will find a definition much like this one: Manner, disposition, feeling, position, etc., with regard to a person or thing; tendency or orientation, esp. of the mind. Now let us define the word adjustment: Adaptation to a particular condition, position, or purpose. A modification of behavior and attitudes, so as, to achieve a balance between personal needs and interpersonal or societal demands. Because I am a simple person with a simple mind, I like to find analogies that will sort of put things into laymen terms. When I read over these definitions, what I came up with is this. Most of us have been in the driver’s seat of a car at one time or another in our lives, and if you haven’t, chances are you soon will be. So now compare the attitude adjustment to driving a car. If your vehicle is anything like mine, there are times when it runs like a dream, and times when it leaves a little bit to be desired. When my vehicle is running like a dream it is clean, it has enough fuel, it has the proper amount of oil, it has a battery that is fully charged and ready to go, in short it has a positive attitude! At those times when it is leaving a little bit to be desired, it is usually dirty, littered with empty fast food containers (maybe even a few cold, hard French fries), is low on fuel, the oil needs to be changed, and a myriad of other changes are in need. Basically it is in dire need of an attitude adjustment. So it is with our own lives. When I am feeling on top of the world, like nothing could possibly bring me down, this is what my life looks like. I am organized, I am eating nutritiously, I am able to set time aside to exercise. I am able to make time with each of my children and my husband, and I have time set aside to rejuvenate myself spiritually. I have a positive attitude! So what happens when life catches up? Here is what happens to me. I become disorganized and can’t seem to find time for anything. My eating and exercising habits have gone down the drain, and the last thing I have time for is the seemingly endless demands of my children and husband. Guess what? It’s time for an attitude adjustment! So how exactly does one go about making an attitude adjustment? I am not going to claim to have all the answers but I will tell you what has worked for me and thousands of other successful men and women. And that is to sit down and make a list of priorities. Write a list of the things that are most important to you. These are the things that if you were to pass from this life tomorrow, you would want to have accomplished. Then write down the things that you are doing now that have become a priority that could possibly be lowered a little bit farther down the page. I will give you an example of what my positive list might entail just to give you and idea. Keep in mind that this is a work in progress, not to be confused with something that is attempted and accomplished on a regular basis! Positive Attitude List of Priorities 1. Taking care of my personal needs Building my personal relationship with God Exercising Eating Nutritiously Staying organized Giving Service 2. Taking time for my HusbandBuilding a relationship with God together Keeping the communication lines open Spending time together alone as a couple Being receptive to his needs 3. Taking time for my family Teaching my children how to build a relationship with God Being there when my children come home from school Helping my children with homework Listening to the events of each child’s day Spending a few minutes with each of them on and individual basis 4. Building relationships with immediate family Attending family functions Calling my parents and in-laws regularly Remembering birthdays Being aware of the special events that are going on in their lives 5. Setting time aside for personal enjoyment Building lasting friendships (telephone, email, luncheons, etc.) Going on photography outings Scrap Booking Participating in sports or hobbies that I enjoy I feel that it is important to point out that each one of us are unique and one-of-a-kind (thank goodness). No two lists of priorities will or should be exactly the same. For example if you have a job or go to school you would definitely want to make that part of your list. We are at different stages at specific times in each of our individual lives. But, it is important to always have a current list of priorities to look upon. Think of it as life insurance. You would not wait five years to add your last child to an insurance policy. Hopefully, you continue to update your insurance as specific events take place. Likewise, you should keep your list of priorities updated as your life changes and evolves throughout the years. In reading over my list (which by no means is how my life runs on a daily basis), you can see that in general a positive attitude means maintaining balance in interpersonal, and societal relationships and activities. In order to achieve this delicate balance, we have to be able to adapt to a particular condition, position or purpose. We have to be able to make an attitude adjustment. The only person that has control over this is YOU! Unlike your vehicle, you drive your own life. A vehicle needs someone else to control it and take care of it’s needs. But you can, and should control your own life and take care of your own needs. Granted, as parents, part of our role is to teach our children how to take control of their lives and their needs and become independent. It is important to take some control of their environment and teach, teach, teach, them while they are young what it takes to control their own needs. My Husband Mike, and I, are constantly reminding our son, Chris, to “drive his own car”. Children have a somewhat limited understanding and it can be effective to use an analogy that they can relate to. Chris has wanted to control his own needs from the day he entered this world! When he was just two years old Mike and I would tuck him in at night and ask him if he wanted a kiss good night. He would reply, “NO” and so we would proceed to leave the room and by the time we got to the door he would be begging for a kiss good night. He wanted to control his own needs. After a while Mike and I grew tired of this little game. We found it important to let Chris know that we were taking care of our needs and that if he wanted a kiss good night he was going to have to take it when we offered or he would not get one at all. Need less to say, after many temper tantrums and kissless nights, he decided he did not like that idea very much and that this was one need he would take when he could get! As Chris has gotten older, we have had many opportunities to teach him how to “drive his own car”. Like his mother, he tends to be very moody and when he does not get things his way his temper can get the best of him. For example there was a time when he wanted to watch a certain television show. With four children, regulating the choice of television viewing can be quite a chore. It was not Chris’ turn to choose and I had to remind him of that fact. He then proceeded to drop on the floor and throw a typical temper tantrum. In the process he kicked a hole in the wall the size of his nine and half foot! We had just moved into a new home and I did not find this amusing! In order to teach Chris the importance of the effect that his attitude has on others, and that he must be accountable for his actions and realize the importance of being a good example for his younger brother and sisters, we taught him to repair his own mistakes. We made a trip to the local hardware store to pick up a wall repair kit. And then at the tender age of seven, he learned how to repair a hole in the wall. Mind you, it was not a professional job. In fact we still have the bump in the wall to remind us of this little experience. But, this was the beginning of the end to his temper tantrums and taught him a very important life lesson. I can not stress enough the importance of having a positive attitude in life. Life is a roller coaster of ups and downs, highs and lows, good times and not so good times. We have to learn how to adapt and make the necessary adjustments in order to maintain balance, harmony, and optimism. Someone once questioned me, “How does one have a positive attitude in such a negative world?” This is such a valid question in the world in which we now live. It is ever changing, values are shifting and becoming twisted. I believe that the answer to the question lies within. If you can learn to set priorities and then adapt with each experience that you have, holding to those priorities, you will be on the road to setting your own attitude adjustment.

PACE. YOUR ASSIGNMENT: Make a list of priorities and post them where you will be continually reminded of the Attitude Adjustment that you want to make. But... don't just read them, actively make them a part of your life. By completing this exercise on a regular basis (weekly bi-weekly or monthly)you can evaluate your progress and what other adjustments need to be made. By doing this you will be taking control of your life and moving closer to maintaining a positive attitude.

Setting The Pace Memoirs of a Stay-at-home Mom

Here it is, The Book
I really never ever thought that I would have a chance to share this with the world. I wrote it mostly for my children, in case they suffer from some of the same things, they might have some sort of a reference. But I do believe that we are all put on this Earth to help one another make it through our individual journeys. I have learned throughout my life that God puts people in our path who will help lead us in the direction that he desires for us,(if we are willing to let him guide us), to learn and grow and progress in the ways needed for our spiritual, physical, and mental growth. It is my hope that the things that I have experienced throughout my life can help someone else who might be experiencing some of those same things. If it helps you, then I feel honored to be that person placed in your path.


Setting the Pace
Memoirs of a Stay-at-Home Mom
by Wendy Carter

Take control of your destiny, believe in yourself,
avoid negative sources, people, places, things,
and habits. Don’t give up and don’t give in and
you will always be a winner to the person who
matters most . . . YOU!
Anonymous



Introduction
When I first decided to write this book, I had a lot of critics. With good reason, you see I am not a college graduate (…yet), nor did I ever take a creative writing class in any of my college courses. I am a stay-at-home-mom of four children. Chris, McKayla, Saydie, and Cody. I have started and failed at five home sales businesses. I Directed a Teen pageant for two years which I no longer do. I have suffered from the effects of Depression for 10 plus years. I almost lost my last child during child birth. I had one miscarriage. I have a child with anxiety, and one who became suicidal at an early age. Two of my children live with ADHD. I have doubted my abilities from day one, and most often, continue to do so. Thank goodness I have a supportive husband of 21 years, who puts up with all my crazy ideas and ever changing hormones! And my one claim to fame, isn’t that I was crowned Mrs. Utah International 2001, it is the culmination of the above experiences that have shaped me into who I am today!

I guess what I am trying to say, is that this is not a book that will tell you exactly what you need to do to be successful, or how to have a great marriage, or how to raise perfect children. It's not a book that will tell you how to win a beauty pageant, or how to look and feel beautiful (although that may be side effect) . . . This book is not about telling you how to live your life. It is about sharing my personal experiences in an effort to help you take control of your life and your life alone. So get ready and let’s set the P.A.C.E.!

Stay tuned for chapter 1. Attitude
The most powerful weapon on Earth is th human soul on fire.
Marshall Foch

Please help me win!!!

Ok guys I don't usually do things like this but there are 2 spots left to learn from an amazing wedding photographer. He is having a competition and all I need is as many hits as I can get who come to my blog and then go to his site. I will post the links in a minute but you MUST go first to my blog and then click on the links for me to get a point. So tell all your friends and pass this along to them so they can help too. And for all of you who leave me a comment along the way I have a special surprise for you!!!! Here are the links: www.jarviestudios.com/blog www.weddings.jarviedigital.com and www.jarviedigital.com thanks guys you're awesome!!!!

Moments....

Moments... days in the sun Moments.......

I was reading one of my friends, Traci's blog, about a lesson that we had in Relief society on Sunday. I missed it because we went to the airport to pick up Chris (he was coming home from Mexico). But it just got me thinking about how much we really do live for tomorrow instead of today. Apparently, they talked alot about enjoying the stages of our life no matter what they may be. Unfortunately, I think I am guilty of not living "in the moment" the way that I should. And that's why I thought I would take a "moment" to express my feelings right here.... right now. It won't be too much longer before my children will be back in school and everyone will be going their seperate ways, and though the summer has been short and filled with unexpected twists and turns, I really have enjoyed spending time with my family. We have spent a lot more time together this summer than usual because we are not on scout camps, young womans camp, youth conferences, etc. And even though I miss Young Womans terribly, I wouldn't pass up a second that I get to spend with my kids. It's funny how the older they get the more you realize how fast those "moments" pass and the less you take them for granted. I remember thinking, when my kids were all under the age of 7, that if I could just make it through this year then
Chris would be in school for a full day and Kayla would be in half a day and then I would have time to breathe and maybe get something else done.... But then when that time comes there is always something else that comes along that makes life chaotic..... and before you know it they are all teenagers and you can't get that time back. So my advice to all you young mom's out there.... take advantage of every second you have with them, the potty training, the whining and tantrums in the store, the times spent at the park and the pool, the times cuddling them when they are sick, or celebrating with them when they finally catch the ball, or stick a double pirouette..... and to my own children I just want to tell you thanks for being such great kids... you are always such an inspiration to me and I really have loved every minute of being your mom, though I think you have taught me way more than I could ever teach you!

On a side note.... when the kids were younger and I was struggling with depression and motherhood, I wrote a book (mostly for my posterity, knowing that it would probably never be published). Anyway, I just got thinking that maybe I would blog my book.... at the very least, if there is someone else out there going through what I did... maybe they can benefit from it. So if anyone is interested let me know and I will start posting a little at a time.

Too long....

My how time flies! I can't believe it has been so long since I have posted! We just got back from a week at Yellowstone and it was so much fun! It is so strange to have grown kids when you still feel like a kid yourself, lol. We fished a lot and played a lot of games. We drove out to Virgina and Nevada City to see the sights and that was really a lot of fun. But the park was not as fun this year because it was so crowded, we spent way too many hours sitting in the truck in traffic just to see a buffalo! Anyway, here is a sampling from our trip. As you can probably tell, Saydie was the only one who would really let me photograph her. But I still caught a few of the others.